disappointed

while i was home with my family my grandmother wanted to take my mom, brother and i out to lunch, it was planned for around 3pm. i knew id be hungry earlier than that so around 10am i made 3 eggs with some shredded turkey and chicken, and around 1pm i put some sliced turkey on tortilla chips with salsa, and then we were off. at the restaurant i ordered a 16oz. ribeye with a side of brussel sprouts and bacon and was feeling super smart until the waitress showed up with a belated birthday dessert, complete with candle and song. so i indulged. i think it was a hazelnut torte with vanilla bean ice cream, and there was what looked like marshmallow fluff on the plate that i stayed away from. i felt absolutely awful after this but wanted nothing but more sugar in my mouth. it was like i had released the hounds and all i could think about was more dessert. thankfully there was nothing sweet in the house except for this cocoa puff muffin mix which i wasnt prepared to cheat THAT bad with. i wanted to make it through the night without eating again but i got pretty hungry around 9pm. i had some homemade lamb stew with potatoes that my dad had made with some more tortilla chips :/

wednesday morning i left for philly around 10am, so at 9 i heated up the 3oz leftovers of my ribeye. by the time i got to union station and had an hour to wait for my train i was hungry with no supplies, so i got one of those kind bars with the least amount of sugar i could find, which was 12g. i made it back to center city around 2pm and was starved so i made 3 eggs, and 3 pieces of bacon, and probably 1/4c. leftover butternut squash. for dinner: gluten-free pasta with a garlic and evoo sauce, artichoke hearts, sundried tomatoes, bacon, and italian sausage.

this morning in between outlaw way and oly training, i was starved and had remembered to bring 1 hard boiled egg but that did almost nothing for me and i practically had to run home to make lunch.

lunch today:
1/2 avocado, in tuna salad with evoo, capers, and olives
1 red bell pepper
1 roasted pork chop
1 purple potato, microwaved with 1.5tsp butter


experiencing general feelings of disappointment. aside from the one day at home that i made some poor choices i have completely refined my daily diet. i have been avoiding the provided staff meal at work and making most of my own meals. ive kept an eye on portion control and i have adhered to my drink once a week rule. and yet my weight this morning was EXACTLY the same as when i weighed in on saturday. down to the fraction. i talked to sam a bit about how frustrated i was and she said maybe my body is retaining weight because im in fact not eating enough. i aim for a pound of protein a day, but apparently have been seriously neglecting my carbs. the most i have in a day is a serving of squash/potato, which i thought was even pushing it if i was looking to drop in weight. but with all the training ive been doing (2 a days, 5x/week) i should be aiming for 100g carbs/day.

honestly, im feeling pretty frustrated. i dont have time in the day to start weighing out all of my food in addition to preparing it between the gym and work. the balance between too much and too little is seeming so minute that i wonder if ill be able to get a handle on it.

i think this is my rut

sunday, super scary weightlifting day:
8oz coffee at 9am
mixed nuts and dried fruits around 1pm, after my weight in and another 8oz coffee...

after the hookgrip classic on sunday i went out to mixto with amanda to celebrate, i was super good and we got guacamole with plantain chips to start and then for dinner the all-holy bandeja tipica: flank steak, 2 eggs, avocado, crispy pork rind, chorizo, and a little bit of rice. i had one glass of wine here and started to fall asleep at the table. afterwards i went out for a bit with some friends and didnt eat anymore but had a little more red wine to drink, this was not a good idea.

early monday morning i caught a bus to dc to visit with my family for a few days. i was feeling the wine and was absolutely kicking myself for over-doing it. my dad surprised me with crabs (a belated birthday present) once i arrived, complete with melted GRASS FED butter. hallelujah. i had six or seven id say, then called it quits because i had a 430pm class to go to @ crossfit bethesda and was feeling really self-conscious about smelling like seafood.

after the class, my family and i went to visit my aunt luisa and cousin tito in virginia. they of course had just finished pan-frying some flautas for us. this is your basic taquito, but stuffed with potatoes instead of meat. i was ravenous after class and not gonna lie, SUPER excited about eating some homemade authentic mexican food, even if it was your basic tortilla rolled up in simple fashion, it was made with love nonetheless. i had 5, complete with jalapeno salsa. luisa poured me a glass of wine without me even asking so that was just sitting in front of me the whole time, but i asked for a water instead.

then...my period hit me. now im going nuts because i was on the HUNT last night for any kind of chocolate or sweet morsel i could get my hands on. i had a banana that i started to dip in some melted chocolate that i stole from my little brother. and this morning my dad had some almond cake with shaved almonds and some kind of marzipan all over it and i found out that almond treats are my new weakness and i grabbed a fork and i stole a bite and i felt like a big cheater because even if my dad saw me eat that he would yell at me and say he didnt approve but then WHY DOES HE BUY THIS SHIT WHEN I COME HOME?! its like the birthday cake he put in the fridge for me, but when i pulled it out to look at it he started to make these disapproving tongue clicking noises...what the hell??

needless to say, im pretty cranky right now, so im going to go find the chocolate flavored coconut water i brought home and see if that does a damn thing.

food logging

thursday, september 20th, 2012

930am: 12oz black coffee
12pm: bcaas
115pm: 8oz coffee, .5lb sirloin steak, 2 pcs. Bacon, 1 hard boiled egg on spinach, one small purple potato microwaved w/ tbs. grassfed butter
4pm: small salad w/ bell peppers and 3 fingers thick white meat chicken
930pm: .25 sirloin steak, 1 hard boiled egg, 2 finger thick piece of chicken

friday, september 21st, 2012

-this is my one rest day for the week, i work from 1030am to roughly midnight, so i stop at grocery in the morning and stock up on breakfast, different options for lunch if the fry cooks deem it chicken finger day (which they usually do), and dinner/snack. the following measurements are total guesses, and probably add up to more than i actually ate. however, i unquestionably had 1 full pound of protein, which is a general goal for my active recovery days. 

1015am
16oz iced coffee
.25lb shredded chicken w/bell peppers
.15lb italian sausage w/ red peppers
Some broccoli rabe, raddichio and butternut squash
.15lb pork loin

2pm: .25lb italian sausage
.25 shredded chicken w/bell peppers
3 pieces chocolove 70% dark chocolate

330pm: .25lb pork loin
.25 flank steak
butternut squash and broccoli rabe
15-20 french fries 
2pcs. 70% chocolate

430pm: 8oz. Coffee

630pm: a manger ordered some happy hour food for the servers to taste, making sure the kitchen was on point. i had one piece of lobster meat with tobanjan aioli, and 2 garam masala marinated wings. 

830pm: 1 pc. 70% chocolate

so im definitely feeling guilty about yesterday, the fries should have absolutely been omitted, and there are always plenty of servers around to "taste" the food, i should have volunteered that coveted podium to someone else, BUT...every night that i decline the invitation to go out for a few drinks is an overall win for me. and after lunch at 330pm i could have run laps around the block, a stark contrast to the usual bloated, sometimes painful feeling i have after binge eating for my one meal of the day. 

saturday, september 22, 2012

9am: 16 oz. black coffee
less than a handful of nuts

1130am: 3 egg omelette with meat scraps (flank steak, pork loin) and spinach

some updates

i bought purple potatoes (just 2) from iovine earlier in the week and just nuked em with a little salt, pepper, and grassfed butter, delicious. i think these arent great for shedding weight but i like to eat big before i go into work so i only need a small snack towards the end of the night.

im staying away from dairy during the challenge, because i thought it really bothered me but sometimes it doesnt? i want to get down to the bottom of it but, im still cooking with butter, is this a bad idea? 

also, before the challenge i had bought these crackers, trusting that anything listed as gluten free would be fair game and "allowed." i ate three yesterday with half an avocado as a snack around 1pm. 

now for the ingredients: rice, corn, evaporated cane juice, sea salt, and soy lecithin. whoops. 

i think avoiding anything from a box is a pretty good rule to adhere to for the next few weeks. 

dr. jekyll

im struggling with two issues, issues that i know pre-existed, but are becoming more apparent in the face of the challenge.

one is that i over-eat.
the other that i eat my emotions.
and the third being a hybrid of the two which is the worst combination known to the dietary goal of leaning out, emotionally over-eating.

i close the restaurant on wednesdays and when we got a 15-top 45 minutes before we stopped serving the first thing i wanted was some chocolate. or when i realized amanda wouldnt be able to spend the night on sunday after the hookgrip event, my first thought was i should go home and bake some sort of paleo treat to get my mind off of it. even when im happy though! like when im wearing my all time favorite wardrobe combination of shorts and a long sleeve and get a gust of wind because its fall and thats my favorite season and i see the leaves changing colors even while theyre still a vibrant green...i want some sort of pumpkin confectionary. this is dumb.

i also have no idea when hunger will strike me. i thought because id only been oly lifting i wouldnt be as ravenous as normal, so i went into work ill-equipped. as in, with no snacks at all. i was there from 530pm- 12am, and while i kept trying to convince myself i could easily fast for this short period of time...the bartenders garnishes started looking realllll good. and then, late night staff meal was staring me straight in the face. a lovely concoction of french fries and our latest fry-cooks version of general tsos chicken. and i had some. yeah, i did it. i had 3 pieces of chicken, and about 15 french fries. my body didnt feel the immediate effects but man was my brain pissed. would it really be that hard to resist for another hour? to go home to awesome flank steak leftovers? and it wasnt even a painful hunger, it wasnt like my stomach was growling or i even felt 50% of the emptiness that comes when you really do need to eat again.

i feel like theres a balance of personalities inside of me, theres the one that signed up for the challenge and can totally reason away cheats and temptations because she has the end goal in sight, and then theres the one that wont believe that a few little cheats could ruin all her hard work, and says "you did really awesome in todays metcon, you should totally have a cookie."

hard-boiling eggs as we speak, i should probably just start walking around with them in my pockets.

day 3

fall always inspires a little more commitment in the kitchen. i think because im not already sweating i dont mind toiling over the stove for an hour or two. yesterday was just that, a day spent in the kitchen.

i took the advanced oly class from 930am-1130am with one 16oz. coffee and bcaa's, made a stop at whole foods afterwards, then went straight home for lunch. i had a wild salmon & spinach salad with 2 pcs. dry rubbed bacon, 1 egg, and evoo. this is a pretty go-to dish for me, i find salmon fairly easy to cook and its all thrown together super quick.

for dinner, i wanted to try something exciting since amanda was coming into town. what i decided on was an herb and proscuitto stuffed flank steak that turned out really well.

i served it with butternut squash that was roasted for about an hour and then mashed into caramelized onions, garlic, cardamom, and nutmeg. these tasted like no butternut squash id ever had before...not in that they were magically delicious, just...different. like smokey, and slightly earthy. anyway, dinner was bangin and with it i had a few glasses of red wine which totally sticks within my goal parameters: drink only once a week, and never more than 3 servings. for dessert, plantains cooked in coconut oil sprinkled with a bit of cinnamon. 

this morning i went to breakfast at cafe lift and had 2 8oz. coffees, and the spicy sausage frittata, with sauteed spinach and mozzarella cheese. it was served with some potatoes and toast. the latter of which i avoided :) they also brought over some complimentary lemon pound cake (i think because it was going bad and they needed to get rid of it) but will power failed me not! not even a crumb of it. these kinds of treats are not actually hard for me to avoid because i look in the face of a glistening breakfast pastry and see terrible stomach bloat and sluggishness staring back at me. im thankful for that, because its enough to keep me at bay. my weaknesses are usually more conventional displays of sugary sweetness, that strike me late at night, ones that disguise themselves as paleo but are totally just as bad for you i.e.: sweet freedom, coconut milk ice cream, any dark chocolate/sea salt combination. back to breakfast, i thought the cheese might bother me, but it didnt. i would even go so far as to say im lactose intolerant but had no reaction from this morning? 

lifted with sam for an hour, i wanted coffee because of habit i think but ran to the store for a last minute coconut water choice (thanks abbey!)

i think i thought id be full for the rest of the day after that big ass frittata but sure enough i was hungry by the time i got home. i had some leftovers from last night and then because i had to change my route home so that i wouldnt pass sweet freedom (too tempting), i treated myself to some trail mix with raisins :/ 

CFCC BCCC

well here i am almost a year later, wiping the virtual dust off of my first paleo blog. swept up by the excitement of a lifestyle change, id fully committed to detailing every last bit of my food journey- complete with before and after pictures, measurements, and even chronicled energy levels but thennnn...like with much else in my life the gung-ho ambition slowly faded away...but im BACK! i am so back that i spent an unspeakable amount of time browsing gluten-free face creams and rejuvenating oils because now that im going to start eating purely paleo again, im also going to start a new skin care regiment, and buy all natural shampoo...and floss. (theres the ambition talking again)

i havent fallen totally off the wagon. i just go out to eat more often than i should. i drink more than once a week, and within the last 2-3 months or so i even started eating rice and pasta. thats been an all-time low for within the past year so im ready to pretend $20 will be all it takes to hold me super accountable for the decisions ill be making over the next 30 days.

GOALS:

-ah, the ever present 'leaning out' goal. i want to look as close to camille leblanc-bazinet as possible. or lindsey valenzuela, or heck, any of these girls because theyre ripped and they look like theyre having fun. in an effort to mask my superficial-aesthetic ambition, ill just sink into the masses of lean out land. but no, in all honesty, i know that there is more fat on my body than there needs to be, and i hope that by tailoring that my gymnatics and body weight movements will become easier. after all, i got my first bodyweight pull up after februarys bccc.

-by now it is no secret that our diet directly affects athletic performance. earlier this month, i think by pure scheduling overload, i had a 5-day streak of no drinking, no gluten, 8+hours of sleep every night (so on and so forth, these are not my only vices) and my metcon performance surprised me. i had a full WEEK of training that left me feeling accomplished and competent. id like to have that back..as a constant.

i think progress during the BCCC is pretty subjective, so in order to quantify my results i have set these very specific goals:

current body weight: 146.4
i would like to drop below 138, not because its a number i care about but gauging from my last BCCC results, in which i lost 7lbs, i know what i am capable of. in other areas of the world, id like my waist measurement, currently 25.625, to decrease.

my current Fran time:  6:28
adhering to the goal of becoming more proficient with bodyweight movements, i think measuring my time with a pull-up heavy metcon would be a good measure. i would like my time to improve PERIOD, because i have no realistic scale of what can be done to Fran in a month. im going to go ahead and say sub-6 though.

my current Jeremy (21-15-9 65#ohs/burpees) time:  4:45
i think Jeremy will be a good way to measure my wind/stamina. although this time was during that holy 5-day streak in which i kicked ass.


that is all.