Thursday, September 27, 2012

disappointed


while i was home with my family my grandmother wanted to take my mom, brother and i out to lunch, it was planned for around 3pm. i knew id be hungry earlier than that so around 10am i made 3 eggs with some shredded turkey and chicken, and around 1pm i put some sliced turkey on tortilla chips with salsa, and then we were off. at the restaurant i ordered a 16oz. ribeye with a side of brussel sprouts and bacon and was feeling super smart until the waitress showed up with a belated birthday dessert, complete with candle and song. so i indulged. i think it was a hazelnut torte with vanilla bean ice cream, and there was what looked like marshmallow fluff on the plate that i stayed away from. i felt absolutely awful after this but wanted nothing but more sugar in my mouth. it was like i had released the hounds and all i could think about was more dessert. thankfully there was nothing sweet in the house except for this cocoa puff muffin mix which i wasnt prepared to cheat THAT bad with. i wanted to make it through the night without eating again but i got pretty hungry around 9pm. i had some homemade lamb stew with potatoes that my dad had made with some more tortilla chips :/

wednesday morning i left for philly around 10am, so at 9 i heated up the 3oz leftovers of my ribeye. by the time i got to union station and had an hour to wait for my train i was hungry with no supplies, so i got one of those kind bars with the least amount of sugar i could find, which was 12g. i made it back to center city around 2pm and was starved so i made 3 eggs, and 3 pieces of bacon, and probably 1/4c. leftover butternut squash. for dinner: gluten-free pasta with a garlic and evoo sauce, artichoke hearts, sundried tomatoes, bacon, and italian sausage.

this morning in between outlaw way and oly training, i was starved and had remembered to bring 1 hard boiled egg but that did almost nothing for me and i practically had to run home to make lunch.

lunch today:
1/2 avocado, in tuna salad with evoo, capers, and olives
1 red bell pepper
1 roasted pork chop
1 purple potato, microwaved with 1.5tsp butter


experiencing general feelings of disappointment. aside from the one day at home that i made some poor choices i have completely refined my daily diet. i have been avoiding the provided staff meal at work and making most of my own meals. ive kept an eye on portion control and i have adhered to my drink once a week rule. and yet my weight this morning was EXACTLY the same as when i weighed in on saturday. down to the fraction. i talked to sam a bit about how frustrated i was and she said maybe my body is retaining weight because im in fact not eating enough. i aim for a pound of protein a day, but apparently have been seriously neglecting my carbs. the most i have in a day is a serving of squash/potato, which i thought was even pushing it if i was looking to drop in weight. but with all the training ive been doing (2 a days, 5x/week) i should be aiming for 100g carbs/day.

honestly, im feeling pretty frustrated. i dont have time in the day to start weighing out all of my food in addition to preparing it between the gym and work. the balance between too much and too little is seeming so minute that i wonder if ill be able to get a handle on it.

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